I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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