Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The dick lei will go down in squad history
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
