How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize