separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i drank out of a bidet.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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