This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
