Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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