I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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