Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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