Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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