I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
