So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
