A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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