me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
