God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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