Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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