I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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