you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
