I love black thongs
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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