This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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