At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
