Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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