her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
