Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
