Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
