Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
