I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
