i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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