then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
