Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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