This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
