Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Text me some of your sweat
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
