hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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