sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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