You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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