I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
