you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
