Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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