apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Let's paint friendship bongs
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
