So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
