I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My bed smells like the plague
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
