now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
