he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize