yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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