Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party

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(248): View more from Michigan

it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar

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(330): View more from Ohio

Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".

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(630): View more from Illinois

everybody makes mistakes

(1-630): View more from Illinois

i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances

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(206): View more from Washington

My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.

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(713): View more from Texas

He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance

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(773): View more from Illinois

SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.

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(330): View more from Ohio

STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.

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(516): View more from New York

Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago

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