I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
