I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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