I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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