Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
