Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she was so not down for the gang bang
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
