My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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