I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
