yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
