Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
