I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
