we're chasing vodka with high fives
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
