who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
