God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
