just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
