I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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