Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
