apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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