Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
