I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
