Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
