Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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