I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
