I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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