dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
