I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
