i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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