you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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