I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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