There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
