pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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